WHERE’S THE BEEF?

mail-delivery-texas-style

Ever wake up and not know where you are?

Well, if that happens read the classifieds.

You’ll know in a minute where you are.

Or at least, where you’re not.

You’ll know for sure you aren’t in Houston or Dallas or on the other side of the world.

Just read the classified ads in the local paper.

That would be Mason County News (one of the oldest papers in Texas).

For instance:

Angus Bulls for sale.

Doubt that’s a big seller in Detroit.

Round and square hay bales for sale.

Anyone in Chicago looking for that?

Shredding, mowing, plowing.

See what I mean?

Local Resident Seeking Grazing Pasture.

Yep.

You’re not in New York City.

And if that’s not enough to get your bearings—

Check out the County Sheriff’s log for the month:

Loose Livestock on RR 1900. Owner was located, sheep were removed from roadway.

Call for Structure Fire received. Turned out to be a Birthday Bonfire.

Wow, that musta been some cake!

Response to a complaint about an ex-boyfriend.

Dispute over a dog and livestock.

Imagine that conversation.

Raccoon acting weird but it ran back to peanut mill.

To do what?

So by now y’all should have an inkling of where you are.

For sure it’s not L.A.

Or San Francisco.

Read on:

Met patient at ambulance barn for asthma attack.

That’s an interesting date.

Responded to Old Mason Rd. for at least 20 black cows that were out and he put them back.

Deputy removed a mattress box spring from the highway.

It’s a dangerous world we live in.

And apparently a forgetful one too.

I lost count of how many “vehicle unlocks” were provided.

Deputy responded to a crash between a vehicle and a cow.

Wonder whose fault that was.

Responded to a Suspicious Vehicle. Caller believed someone was following them. Subject was visiting a neighbor.

Responded to a Loose Livestock call. Goat was gone upon arrival.

That’s a goat for ya.

Deputy responded to a suspicious noise of breathing and did not see anything.

But did he hear anything?

Deputy responded to Old Pontotoc Rd. for smoke that was seen along Willow Creek and nothing was seen. Caller then advised that neighbor was drilling water well and it was dust he saw.

Well, bless his heart.

And bless this happy home of ours.

Now you know where you are.

That’s Mason.

 

Read more poetry!

Renee Walker is a poet, writer, and real estate broker on the Square with her canine assistant, Buster.  

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